i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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