yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
COCAINE IS GR8
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
