Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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