they need to just BURY HIM!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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