Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
