I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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