he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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