Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize