YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
