Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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