Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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