your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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