Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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