Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My ass is underappreciated
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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