also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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