i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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