Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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