He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
