if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
