im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
