I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
