and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
