do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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