Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The beer is more important than you right now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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