i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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