well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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