We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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