In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
