Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
