Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
