But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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