the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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