I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
