to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
