So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
