whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
