Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
