But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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