just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
