you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
