My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
