You're completely useless in the revolution.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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