Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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