he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
