I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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