I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone signed my nipple.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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