she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
