she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
