I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize