Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
