Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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