She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
