i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
