Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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