Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
