Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
