either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
