Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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