Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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