shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
