On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
