A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
