Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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