happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
