i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
