Christians are straight up FREAKS
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
