i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
