Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
