We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
