How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
