this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
